Unable to find a French bistro, I nearly got killed cutting across the highway at high speed and bellyflopped into the parking lot of a local slop house specializing in wings and beer. Clattering to a halt in a cloud of dust, I emerged from the car and immediately tripped over something wobbly and metallic. A hubcap. I side-armed it into the trunk.

Wearing a Knicks jersey, the barkeep gave me a stunned look when I walked in and asked, "Are you guys showing Les Bleus here?" Grabbing a stool amid hostile stares, I tried to clarify. "France versus Senegal. The World Cup. Live from East Rutherford. Are you showing the game?"

"France" in this guy's mind amounted to that 7 foot four phenom splattered on the floor back in San Antonio Saturday night, and so he just grunted. Tucked in an upper corner of the joint, though, barely visible, a single TV - the smallest in the house - flashed images of undersized guys playing - what else? - soccer. I settled in. Moments later, the same TV switched over to NASCAR action. Somebody laughed gruffly as I squinted ludicrously up at a breaking newsflash:

RFK Racing announced a multiyear contract extension with NASCAR Cup Series driver Chris Buescher on Tuesday.

Buescher, 33, has been driving the company’s No. 17 Ford since the 2020 season.

Tring to appear unruffled, I turned my attention to the movie-sized screen behind the bar, and the men's college world series elimination game between West Virgina and Troy. The score stood at zero to zero. Another screen tugged. The ESPN headline: "Wemby, Spurs Leave Court Without Shaking Hands After Loss," seemed to animate commentator (and apparent 2028 presidential contender) Stephen A. Smith. An action image jumped off another screen accompanied by the following splashed headline: "Texas Tech QB Brendan Sorsby Plans to Apply for NFL Supplemental Draft." The bartender and his cronies were now completely doubled over with laughter.

"Vive la France!" I muttered, humiliated, another mangled Francophile in apparent permanent exile, on my way out the door, under a rebroadcast of the Knicks' unremitting beat down of the Spurs.