By Louise Walpin and Marsha Shapiro

Last week held deep meaning for our family, and for LGBTQ people across New Jersey. October 21 marked the twelfth anniversary of marriage equality in our state, and the twelfth anniversary of our own legal marriage.

We were the lead couple in New Jersey’s legislative fight for marriage equality from 2009 to 2013, and among the lead plaintiffs in the Lambda Legal lawsuit that brought marriage equality to New Jersey, two years before the U.S. Supreme Court’s Obergefell v. Hodges decision.

By then, we had already shared nearly 25 years together, years filled with love, family, and heartbreak, including the loss of a child. We had built a life that anyone would recognize as a marriage. Yet to gain the rights guaranteed by New Jersey’s Constitution, including hospital visitation, inheritance, and Social Security benefits, we had to make our private lives public and fight bigoted minds, including that of our own GOP Assemblyman, Jack Ciattarelli, who insisted that second-class civil unions were “good enough” for us.

But love and justice prevailed. At 12:01 a.m. on October 21, 2013, marriage equality became the law of New Jersey. At that moment, we became the first same-sex couple legally married in the state, at the home of Senator Raymond and Salena Lesniak.

We have now been together for 36 years, with three beautiful grandchildren and a joyful life. We cannot imagine life without one another, or without the legal protections we fought so hard to win.

That’s why what happened last week hit us so hard.

At a campaign event, an executive director for Jack Ciattarelli, Dr. Nadeem, declared that Jack wants to ban same-sex marriage. It was a despicable, homophobic statement, and a chilling reminder that our rights are not safe.

Instead of condemning those remarks, Ciattarelli praised him, calling Dr. Nadeem  “an impressive man” who has never let him down. Over a week has passed, and Ciattarelli has not denounced those words. Silence at a time when our rights are directly under attack by the administration in Washington and extreme judges across the country isn’t harmless, it’s spineless and aids the very people trying to roll our rights back.

Jack likes to say he’s changed over his three failed runs for governors. But this moment in time shows us he will never stand up for LGBTQ New Jerseyans. The silence speaks volumes about who Jack Ciattarelli is and what kind of governor he would be. If he can’t bring himself to speak up as a candidate, how are we supposed to believe he will act as governor? The short answer? He won’t. His refusal to stand up for families like ours makes clear that he still believes we are not deserving of equality under the law despite all the years that have passed since legalization.

We need a governor who understands and upholds the New Jersey Constitution, which affords us the same rights as heterosexual couples. Jack is NOT that person. He is still stuck in his old, tired, homophobic ways. Mikie Sherrill is the leader we need who will uphold the Constitution and fight for real families like ours.

As we celebrate this anniversary, we remember that our rights were earned through courage and persistence. We refuse to go back.

For our children, our grandchildren, and every family that believes in fairness under the law, we stand proudly for equality. Our family, like many families across New Jersey, cannot afford a governor like Jack Ciattarrelli who panders to extremists.

We stand for the only gubernatorial candidate who will protect the Constitution and the rights and future of all in New Jersey: Mikie Sherrill.