New Jersey To Issue Its Own CryptoCurrency?

Springsteen and Sinatra To Appear On New Medium of Exchange.

Cryptocurrency (or bitcoin) is a relatively new medium of exchange that “uses strong cryptography to secure financial transactions around the world”. And if Governor Murphy and New Jersey State Treasurer Elizabeth Muoio have their way, the New Jersey cryptocurrency might be the next big thing. One of the new initiatives by Muoio will be for  New Jersey to issue its own cryptocurrency, complete with our own celebrities and historical figures appearing on the newly minted ‘coins’.

“The problem with bitcoin is that it has no personality, no ‘pizazz’. With New Jersey celebrities and historical figures appearing on the new ‘coins’, it’s sure to be a hit!,” noted the Governor in a press release. “My personal favorite for the One Dollar coin is Joe Piscopo. I just love that classic ‘I’m from Jersey bit!’ from the classic days of SNL!”

For the Democrats, the Trump administration has so devalued American currency, by its failed economic and fiscal policies, “that this is the best a state can do,” according to an undisclosed source within the Democratic State Committee. But not everyone agrees New Jersey has the authority to do so.

Assemblyman Michael Patrick Carroll (R-25) claims that in the Constitution under Article I Section 8, only Congress has the authority to, “To coin Money, regulate the Value thereof, and of foreign Coin, and fix the Standard of Weights and Measures; To provide for the Punishment of counterfeiting the Securities and current Coin of the United States.”

“Obviously, the intent of the Framers is clear.  Article I Section 8…merely refers to ‘coin money’, and not ‘cryptocurrency’. It is only liberal activists in the Democrat Party that have subverted Original Intent.”

Just who else would appear on the New Jersey cryptocurrency?

“Everyone agrees that Jerry Lewis (of Weehawken) should be on the Fifty Dollar coin,” noted Muoio. “And that either Frank Sinatra (Hoboken) or Bruce Springsteen (Long Branch) should be on the One Thousand Dollar coin.”  Other future possibilities include actress Meryl Streep (who grew up in Summit), Chief Tuccamirgan of the Lenape tribe (who greeted early Hunterdon County settlers); John Travolta (Englewood), Danny Devito (Neptune City) and Queen Latifah (Newark).

Assemblyman Andrew Zwicker (D1-16) is the head of the Science Education Department at the Plasma Physics Laboratory Princeton University and acknowledged as the ‘smartest person in the Assembly’.

He explained that cryptocurrency “…is a digital currency designed that uses cryptography to secure and verify transactions as well as to control the creation of new units of a particular cryptocurrency. Essentially, cryptocurrencies are validated by a blockchain and maintained by a hash function algorithm and data mining protocol. I really don’t get it either, but that’s what I found on Wikipedia,” finished Zwicker.

The name of the new coin will be ‘NJCoin’ or ‘nudgecoin’, the Governor’s press release concluded.

Editor’s Note: Mr. Novick’s column is a humor piece about New Jersey politics and meant strictly as satire.


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